The Eurovision Song Contenst drinking game

Eurovision 2017
Image: Andres Putting

It is time, once again, for the most over-the-top, exuberantly cheesy night of the year; the Eurovision song contest!

Needless to say, as is the case every year, Britain probably won’t win. That’s nothing to do with the Brexity, anti-EU sentiment our country has been pumping out for the last 12 months, and everything to do with the fact that our acts usually take themselves a bit too seriously and don’t enter into the spirit of the competition. This year, we’re putting our trust in former X Factor contestant Lucie Jones and the ballad ‘Never Give Up On You’.

If you need help getting through the marathon of earnest air-clutching and aggressive choreography, then you’re in luck; we’ve devised a drinking game for the occasion.

As always, please drink responsibly.

Let’s start off slow. Take a sip every time:

An act includes a wind or smoke machine.

The song contains more than one key change.

You fancy one of the singers.

A country is awarded nil points.

Let’s take things up a notch. Drink three fingers every time:

The singer is from a country that you could not point out on a map. (Be honest!)

You get the feeling Graham Norton would like to be literally anywhere else.

A singer (or their backing dancers) is wearing traditional national dress.

The song is accompanied by an authentic local instrument.

The staging includes seizure-inducing strobe lighting.

The pyrotechnics make you fear for the safety of the performers.

There is an incredibly revealing or provocative costume. (Drink another finger if there is a dramatic reveal or tearaway moment.)

And finally, finish your drink every time:

There’s an awkward moment when the presenter’s badly translated or poorly delivered joke completely bombs on live television.

A singer defies gender stereotypes in their costume or performance, à la Conchita. (Hot tip: keep an eye out for Montenegro.)

You like a song so much you actually Shazam it so you can listen again later.