It is time, once again, for the most over-the-top, exuberantly cheesy night of the year; the Eurovision song contest!
Needless to say, as is the case every year, Britain probably won’t win. That’s nothing to do with the Brexity, anti-EU sentiment our country has been pumping out for the last 12 months, and everything to do with the fact that our acts usually take themselves a bit too seriously and don’t enter into the spirit of the competition. This year, we’re putting our trust in former X Factor contestant Lucie Jones and the ballad ‘Never Give Up On You’.
If you need help getting through the marathon of earnest air-clutching and aggressive choreography, then you’re in luck; we’ve devised a drinking game for the occasion.
As always, please drink responsibly.
Let’s start off slow. Take a sip every time:
An act includes a wind or smoke machine.
The song contains more than one key change.
You fancy one of the singers.
A country is awarded nil points.
Let’s take things up a notch. Drink three fingers every time:
The singer is from a country that you could not point out on a map. (Be honest!)
You get the feeling Graham Norton would like to be literally anywhere else.
A singer (or their backing dancers) is wearing traditional national dress.
The song is accompanied by an authentic local instrument.
The staging includes seizure-inducing strobe lighting.
The pyrotechnics make you fear for the safety of the performers.
There is an incredibly revealing or provocative costume. (Drink another finger if there is a dramatic reveal or tearaway moment.)
And finally, finish your drink every time:
There’s an awkward moment when the presenter’s badly translated or poorly delivered joke completely bombs on live television.
A singer defies gender stereotypes in their costume or performance, à la Conchita. (Hot tip: keep an eye out for Montenegro.)
You like a song so much you actually Shazam it so you can listen again later.